Redefine

I spent the day doing laundry and languishing near the light. Sunshine threatens to bring bubbles to the surface of my skin, as though I were a liquid with a low boiling point. I can become pink and tender just shaking hands with a nice day. Why did I move to California? Am I some daredevil action star, drawn to the things which harm me? The drugs that make me crazy, the deep seated emotional need to sit on a motorcycle again, being pulled quickly and mercilessly into conversations with the people who hurt me the most... And now the sun. I'm wishing it wasn't gone. I think my northern European skin tone is more robust in natural light. Photographs are so much easier. A trip to the store is a sightseeing expedition. Have the rain and darkness been coloring my mood so long? Do I only speak on their virtues to sound tough? Aside from the more palatable temperatures, there is no reason to live in the swampy mire of the Willamette valley. Sunshine... We have a relationship to redefine.