Mouths, Money and the Senate.

*Quoting Brahm*

"Is anything really worth fighting for? Or perhaps is it that all of our nobility and our virtues are just stories we tell ourselves to feel good when times are easy. Is expediency really the only rule?"

Fighting? Violence? Or is it just striving that you mean. Not giving up, in or out? The only one I think worth fighting is myself. Parts of me at any rate. To shove that brat of an attention span into a corner; hold him there with force and ignore his constant distractions and alternatives. To berate that stolid, aging complacency with profanity and insults--anyting to catch it off guard and start working again. I have to break objects and private morals just to get the attention of my increasingly egotistical sense of entitlement. I have to cut myself down, shove my nose in my own shit and work harder than I think is healthy, just to keep myself moving. Isn't that fighting? Just to put one foot in front of the other some days. To soar, rather than merely drift on others.

But I know what you're saying. It's that complacency that you have to fight against before you can even begin to fight someone or something else. It's so easy to sink into a rhythm of one day after another, and to see all the trees, but never worry about the forest. Never to even realize that you can change the forest. It's two battles at once, and a thousand excuses come to mind before you can get to the second. When your morals, obligations and virtues ever even come into play, the shock can be enough to paralyze.

There are things we'd all do. Fight for our lives, and probably those of people we care for, but would we defend an innocent stranger? Speak up when something is wrong? Until you know how to win the battle against your internal enemy, the external battle is a wet dream.

**

Today I wrote to both of California's senators, voicing my opinion on our President's desire to gain the line-item veto. That was a big step for me. I want to justify myself when I rant and rage about government. I want to feel like I've done more than earn my degree, I want to put it to use. To be political. To be able to more than talk about checks and balances, and jurisprudence, but to put my hard earned knowleged to bear, and to be a functioning useful part of the world.

Thanks for giving me a little bit of reason to revolt, Brahm. You're hitting a nail on the head for me, and waking me up to the idea that others are thinking about this too. Growing up is about more than just getting a job. Really growing up is being what you thought being an adult was before it snuck up on you. For me, that's changing things. That's becoming this person who's able to go from thought to action.

Maybe now I can publish something. That'd be putting my money where my mouth is, huh?